I am so tired of struggling, and I hate saying that because my struggles are minor compared to others, and I know that. I have a house, food in the fridge and clothes on my back. How can I be struggling? How can I even say those words? Maybe I have just been really unlucky. Maybe this is all for a reason?? Well whatever the reason, I am tired of this hang on for dear life roller coaster!! Put me on the damn Ferris wheel already and let me enjoy the view!!
Since shortly after I turned 45 I have struggled with employment. It took me close to 3 years to get over the hurt the first massive lay off caused me. That was my “career”. I was mad, hurt, terrified, all of those things! I refinanced. I did odd jobs. I re-purposed jewelry and sold it to gift shops. I made my own bookmarks and sold them too. Just when I thought I was going to be ok, I found out I owed $3400 in taxes from being on EI and taking too many odd jobs! What a kick in the teeth that was but I made it through AGAIN. Found a job I liked and it went full time and I was back on salary and all was well, until they decided I wasn’t the right fit anymore. Back down I go but I thought I found something in a ridiculous amount of time that was going to be perfect. It wasn’t full time but it was enough and I liked it. They cleaned house yesterday and I was the new kid that they didn’t really want so out went the baby with the bath water and here I am AGAIN trying to come out on top. Trying to find the top of the roller coaster so that maybe, just maybe I can get a peek at the Ferris wheel.
This is how I got here.
The next few weeks will be the story of how I got out. I have my oils to help me keep my emotions in line. They are amazing and they WORK. Plant juice is the goods. I am an anxious person. I have been for a long time. These last 3 years of riding a roller coaster would have looked a lot different if I hadn’t found things to really help me keep my balance. As much as I am frustrated and upset, I still have a sense of calm and have kept my wits about me. So far.
Today is the first day of spring and it comes to us with not only a New Moon, but a full one to boot. I am really hoping that this down turn in my roller coaster hits that loop de loop and keeps going up. I caught a glimpse of the view a couple of times and I liked it. So I am putting it out there with a complete disregard that I AM DONE> I AM READY> I AM ABUNDANT IN WHAT I NEED IN MY LIFE.
So where do I buy my ticket?